I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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