I hate your face
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
