No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
