if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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