My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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