He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
