Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
