I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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