yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
