I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
