I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
