my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
