Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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