So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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