I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And then he peed in my hair
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