I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
