i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
