Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
