so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
