I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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