So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
