and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
