Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so that wasnt chicken after all
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
