I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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