I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
