Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
