Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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