I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
