You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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