he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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