So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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