Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
