Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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