So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
