We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
