Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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