I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
