okay pat passed out under dana's car
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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