I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My penis needs a shock collar
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
