i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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