Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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