Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
