Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
