i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
