So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
