I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
