Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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