Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
