if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
