i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I need to calm my uterus...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
